Many of us grew up hearing, “Look both ways before crossing the street!” Mid-run, as we barreled toward the road, one of our parents would holler at us, reminding us to be safe, looking before we leap, so to speak.
Some of us might have been told, “Don’t forget to stop and look both ways. Then, if it’s safe, and there are no cars coming, you can cross the street.”
Now, you might be thinking, “That’s pretty much the same thing.” Pretty much, yes; the gist is the same. However, there are a few seemingly minor differences that go much deeper into the messages communicated.
In the first version, it’s implied that crossing the street is going to happen and that to keep us safe, we need to do something first. The second message has something rather sinister lurking within. Instead of assuming we will progress across the street, we’re told to stop, first. We’re told to review the situation. Then, we have to perform an analysis of it’s safety. If our calculations are favorable, we can re-evaluate our decision and are granted permission to proceed across the street.
So, what’s different? Not only did it take a lot longer to explain the sequence of the second message, it contains subtle inhibitors to progress.
- Stop (The initial – and most obvious – inhibitor of progress. Side note: Stopping isn’t even always necessary.)
- Review (Useful but time-consuming)
- Analyze (Again, time-consuming. Plus, who knows how long we might take to form an assessment when we get caught up in the variables?)
- Re-evaluate (Now, we allow doubt to creep in. Instead of assuming we will cross, we have to question if crossing is even something we want to do.)
- Await permission (In this case, permission is given by the instructor and is conditional upon the previous criteria, safe crossing conditions.)
Each of those, in some way, slows down progress. Admittedly, I may be exaggerating the situation a bit, but the principles carry into an infinite number of other scenarios where the impacts of each of these thought processes is increased.
Now, before I continue, let me say that I am likely guilty of giving this type of instruction. It may be because I receive instruction like this often, and I end up reflecting it onto others. Either way, I know that I’m guilty of internalizing this as is evident in my proclivity to over-analyze, over-think, and not take action. (See Analysis Paralysis) While I find great value in identifying risks and obstacles to ensure a clear path, this (sometimes) obsession with “what-if”s too often results in me not taking any action due to the possibility of resistance. Ironic, right? The greatest obstacle or resistance is coming from me. With that said, let’s get back to the practical examples.
Previously, I mentioned that those principles can show up elsewhere. Where? In almost every act or decision we make. Of course, if we gave that much analytical thinking to everything, we’d freeze up and die, so while it probably doesn’t happen in every situation, there’s likely an argument that it could show up in any situation.
To give some common examples, it can show up in decisions to improve eating habits, start a new job, make purchase, write an article, or even post a picture on social media. Consider how often we’re told to “stop eating junk food” instead of “eat more leafy greens and protein”. This leads to people being even more hungry and frustrated than they were before, and they don’t even see the results they wanted!
What about changing jobs? “Don’t quit your job! Think about the benefits you might miss out on.” “What if you don’t end up liking your next job, or what if you fail?” How many people do you think stay unproductive in jobs they don’t like because of those fears instilled within them by others?
Don’t overspend on a purchase. Don’t publish something off-brand. Don’t post unless the photo looks professionally edited or, at least, shows only your best features. What if instead of being told or thinking about what not to do (and doing nothing), we reframed these instructions into how to do those things.
| Don’t… | Do… |
| Don’t eat junk food. | Eat more meats and veggies. |
| Don’t quit your job. | Find a good opportunity before you quit your job. |
| Don’t overspend on things. | Buy valuable things with a fair price. |
| Don’t publish something off-brand. | Publish articles with an authentic perspective. |
| Don’t post unless… | Post your favorite… |
These convey the point that each negative, inhibiting thought can be reframed into a positive, encouraging one.
What are some actionable take-aways to start doing more?
- When you hear someone tell you – or worse, you tell someone else – “Don’t…”, try to immediately flip it to a positive action.
- When you stop yourself from taking action out of fear of what could happen, assume that you will overcome any obstacle and that your progress is inevitable. The path you take may change, but you will get there. (I.e., you will cross the street. You may want to look first, but you will leap!)
- Give yourself permission! Even if there’s a fear of failure, (while you don’t need my permission to do so,) you have permission to fail! You have permission to do things, and when the responsibilities are yours and the consequences of your decisions impact you, you don’t need permission from others. *Reframe: …you can proceed without permission from others.)
The reality of time is that it will pass, regardless of our action or inaction. That means that even when we are doing “nothing”, we are doing nothing. We can’t not do. (A double-negative is a positive, but it can still feel negative.) We do things, always. Time moves on either way, so we might as well make progress.
If you would like help reviewing your own self-talk or making progress on a goal of your own, you can check out my latest coaching offer or contact me with any questions!
